Some Quick Humor

It seems to me that this forum has gotten kind of stale, there are topics that no one even comments on for weeks and even the active one is mostly by the same half dozen or so of us.
We need more people writing more about more things.
Maybe it would help to have new or different topics, perhaps one on safety. Or maybe one on Humor. In the attempt to bring some badly needed humor to the site, I offer the following, which I cant take credit for making up , this came from the newspaper. And read them quickly because someone with tender feet will likely protest that this is stepping on someones toes.
Headline From The 2nd Debate:
1. He calls her " The Devil" . The real Satan protests that he is insulted. P S, another critic actually said "she smells sulfurous" . Really, not making that up
2. American women call for building a wall around him.
3. Offer to take women voters "shopping for furniture" not selling well in the suburbs.
4. Kim Jong-Un , Putin, and Assad all applaud his plan to jail opponent.
In hard times, or any times, a sense of humor is a good thing. Hope some of you have enough humor to enjoy these, and take it for a joke, no need to try to make a serious or partisan thing. There were a few others but I edited some out that were not P G rated. The author is Fitsimmonds?
Not many could dispute that we are having some hard times nowadays.

But on a serious note, it in a way is a good thing, and in lots of other parts of the world they would not even have this process.
Sir Winston Churchill, once said when questioned about the flaws in English government, specifically the justice system said, "It is the worst one, except for all the other ones in the world."

I believe it would help if people started acting civil to each other. Remember what your Mom told you..If you do not have nothing nice to say say nothing. What I find interesting is when someone posts and they have been a member here for longer then I and have single digit's in postings or 15 or so posts. Become a member and be active. If you become a member then do nothing you may as well stayed a stranger to the group.

But as to the post. You think we are having hard times now, bring in all these people who hate america and see what happens. You know back in the 70's-to now we watched on TV as these groups burned our flag, stomped on it and called us all sorts of names. Now our powers at be want to bring these people here in groves or 100 thousand at a time. They don't believe these people will do us harm. They are a bunch of idiot's.

If Hillary gets in, you think it's bad now, just wait until she opens our borders. We where told back in the 50's and 60's that we would be over thrown by using our own system against us and the politicians would turn us over to the enemy. I laughed when I heard this. I am not laughing today.

But on a serious note...

and....it's turned political.

Ron Wanttaja

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Originally Posted by rwanttaja

and....it's turned political.

Ron Wanttaja

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Shocking!!!!

1600, My posts is about humor, it is not about any one candidate and it is not about some group or groups of people outside the U S who may want to harm us. But any idea that outsideres wanting to harm us is somehow new or uniqe ignores history, when Germany, Japan and later China and Russia became our enemies. And N Korea has been for some time. And some of what you say is just a bit over the line, dont think our current main current enemies were here in the 70s, flag or not.

How about sticking to the theme of humor, post something funny if you have it. Next best thing would be to get other people, as I said to write more on the forum about more things.

If not, be polite enough to go start your own topic and not try to distort this one. Thanks

P S if I was running this forum I would strongly condider having one topic where political discussion was alloweed , even encouraged, If someone was offended , just dont read it, much like I am unlikely to read some topic about diesel or electric planes.

I do really enjoy humor and there are some funny cartoon/editorials in the newspaper, many of which have a ploitical theme since that is what is in the news now. Last year there may have been some about Tom Brady and deflated footballs when that was timely.
Some pretty famous people have been known for their humor, ie Churchill, Regan etc. And for as we know some bad ones, Hitler, Kim Jong Un, dont have a sense of humor.

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Originally Posted by Bill Greenwood

P S if I was running this forum I would strongly condider having one topic where political discussion was alloweed , even encouraged, If someone was offended , just dont read it, much like I am unlikely to read some topic about diesel or electric planes.

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The Pilots of America forum had that for years. But they eliminated their "Anything Goes" section a couple of months back. All the rancor there was spilling into the non-political subjects. Joe Smith would post something innocuous, and his regular opponent would come back with "And that's just the attitude I'd expect from a wussie liberal/damn fascist" and the fight would be back on.

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Originally Posted by Bill Greenwood

Some pretty famous people have been known for their humor, ie Churchill, Regan etc. And for as we know some bad ones, Hitler, Kim Jong Un, dont have a sense of humor.

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Like you say, "As far as we know." We tend to see only the evil, and lose track of the human being behind the public façade. Read John Toland's "Adolph Hitler" for some surprising details of Hitler's personality, including his sense of humor.

Ron Wanttaja

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Originally Posted by krw920

Shocking!!!!

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I'm just shocked it took over 24 hours. :-)

Ron Wanttaja

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Originally Posted by Bill Greenwood

How about sticking to the theme of humor, post something funny if you have it.

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Walter Atkinson was leading a formation of two Beech 18s into Cadillac, Michigan, when the formation had to break up in bad weather. Minneapolis Center said' "Say your intentions." Walter replied, "My intention is to not look stupid on the NTSB report."

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Originally Posted by Gil

Walter Atkinson was leading a formation of two Beech 18s into Cadillac, Michigan, when the formation had to break up in bad weather. Minneapolis Center said' "Say your intentions." Walter replied, "My intention is to not look stupid on the NTSB report."

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Now that is funny...ROTFLMAO

"Not to look stupid on an NTSB report."
Absolute winner! Something all of us have thought at one time or another, especially when IMC!:thumbsup:

(Note: I often say the Alan Shepard prayer between run up and taking the active: "Please God, don't let me screw up.")

some airline humor


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom; 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!'










Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

A passenger in coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

FAA Management is like a tree full of monkeys. When the monkeys at the top look down, all they see is a sea of smiling faces. When the monkeys at the bottom look up, all they see are ..... (you can probably guess)

Ron Wanttaja

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications qquipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, like their technical support, online help and product documentation, the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless."

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had four they'd be chicken sedans.

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One morning a bear was squatting next to a tree when a rabbit came hopping by.*
"Hey, rabbit," called out the bear, "I need to ask you a question."
"Okay," said the rabbit, coming closer.
"Do you have a problem with sh-- sticking to your fur?"
"Um, no," replied the rabbit.
So the bear wiped his a-- with the rabbit.

*No, we don't know if the bear was Catholic.

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A psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
To the third mother he said, "You are obsessed with flowers.You've named your daughter Lilly."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

There are 16 categories on this EAA forum and only 5 are at all current, the other 11 have posts that are at least 3 days old, some of weeks old.
But shhh, lets not talk about certain topics of current and timely interest. eh?

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Originally Posted by Bill Greenwood

There are 16 categories on this EAA forum and only 5 are at all current, the other 11 have posts that are at least 3 days old, some of weeks old.
But shhh, lets not talk about certain topics of current and timely interest. eh?

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Want to talk politics with pilots? Try here:

http://www.pilotspin.com/

Ron Wanttaja

If you want to fly you must talk politics for flying is a very political activity. I never understood this so much until a friend told me during WWII all GA aviation was grounded. For 5 years no one flew any GA airplanes. If you owned an airplane at this time it sat in the hangar.

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Originally Posted by 1600vw

If you want to fly you must talk politics for flying is a very political activity. I never understood this so much until a friend told me during WWII all GA aviation was grounded. For 5 years no one flew any GA airplanes. If you owned an airplane at this time it sat in the hangar.

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GA flying was also banned for a time after 9/11. But in neither of those cases can you ascribe the issue to "politics" in the traditional sense. A Republican administration in 1941 would probably have made the same decision, as would have a Democratic one in 2001.

But no question, politics is embedded into every factor of life in every country in the world. The question, though, is whether discussions of political issues not directly related to aviation belongs here.

To me, "Directly" is the key. Saying that "I think Senator Smith will not vote in favor of the Pilot's Bill of Rights because he has sided with ALPA and AMA on past issues" is directly related to aviation. Saying "Senator Smith is a poopy-head, he won't vote in favor of the Pilot Bill of Rights" is not.

And, yes, we've seen examples of the latter here.

The weird thing is, after a bit of digging around, I didn't find any EAA guidance on what is allowed content on these forum pages. We are, apparently, assessed on a post-by-post basis.

Ron Wanttaja

Two friends were each flying their aircraft to a fly-in about 100 miles away. They were a few miles apart and the one in the lead was retired ATC. Their route had them coming near a Class D airfield, so the pilot in the lead (retired ATC) contacted tower, decided the controller must not be having a good day so decided to fly around that airspace. He tried to contact the 2nd pilot on their agreed upon frequency, but could not reach him. He switched back to tower freq in time to hear 2nd pilot getting yelled at by tower, then told to call tower when they got to their destination (about 30 miles away). When they both landed at the destination, the retired ATC pilot was coaching the other what to say and not say, etc. So when retired ATC pilot thought he was ready my friend called the tower.

Tower: Are you Doctor __ from __?
Pilot: Yes. (He is a plastic surgeon)
Tower: I'm __, you did my wife's b**b job. (breast augmentation)
Pilot: Well, I hope you are pleased with the results.
Tower: Oh yes, thank you very much! Please practice your radio skills and have a nice day!
Pilot: I'm glad you are pleased, I will work on my radio skills and you have a great day too!

That is a true story.

Anyone have a better tale when told to "call the tower"?

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Originally Posted by GordonT

Two friends were each flying their aircraft to a fly-in about 100 miles away. They were a few miles apart and the one in the lead was retired ATC. Their route had them coming near a Class D airfield, so the pilot in the lead (retired ATC) contacted tower, decided the controller must not be having a good day so decided to fly around that airspace. He tried to contact the 2nd pilot on their agreed upon frequency, but could not reach him. He switched back to tower freq in time to hear 2nd pilot getting yelled at by tower, then told to call tower when they got to their destination (about 30 miles away). When they both landed at the destination, the retired ATC pilot was coaching the other what to say and not say, etc. So when retired ATC pilot thought he was ready my friend called the tower.

Tower: Are you Doctor __ from __?
Pilot: Yes. (He is a plastic surgeon)
Tower: I'm __, you did my wife's b**b job. (breast augmentation)
Pilot: Well, I hope you are pleased with the results.
Tower: Oh yes, thank you very much! Please practice your radio skills and have a nice day!
Pilot: I'm glad you are pleased, I will work on my radio skills and you have a great day too!

That is a true story.

Anyone have a better tale when told to "call the tower"?

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Don't...

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Originally Posted by 1600vw

If you want to fly you must talk politics for flying is a very political activity. I never understood this so much until a friend told me during WWII all GA aviation was grounded. For 5 years no one flew any GA airplanes. If you owned an airplane at this time it sat in the hangar.

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Humm, the Civilian Pilot Training Program was not GA? GA planes and instructors? The Civil Air Patrol was not GA? GA planes and pilots? One of the reasons CAP was formed was because the Army Air Corps wanted to ban GA flying. That never happened.

On 8 December 1941, the day after Pearl Harbor, all general aviation flying was banned, The ban was lifted 2 days later. There were restrictions on flying during WWII but general aviation was very active.

I knew a guy that did coastal patrol in his personal airplane during WWII for the Civil Air Patrol. He was a civilian pilot, his plane was a personally owned GA airplane.

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Originally Posted by martymayes

Humm, the Civilian Pilot Training Program was not GA? GA planes and instructors? The Civil Air Patrol was not GA? GA planes and pilots? One of the reasons CAP was formed was because the Army Air Corps wanted to ban GA flying. That never happened.

On 8 December 1941, the day after Pearl Harbor, all general aviation flying was banned, The ban was lifted 2 days later. There were restrictions on flying during WWII but general aviation was very active.

I knew a guy that did coastal patrol in his personal airplane during WWII for the Civil Air Patrol. He was a civilian pilot, his plane was a personally owned GA airplane.

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Seeing how I was not even a thought at this time in history I have no idea what happened during this time except for what I am told either by reading or listening to others speak of this time in history. It was a friend who told me this who lived through this time. But when he did say this I wondered how he knew this for he was at war fighting for our navy. But I was not going to tell him he was wrong nor will I tell him this today. I took it he knew what he was saying. But like I said I could not say one way or the other if this really happened. But living through 9/11 I could see this happening. But maybe it did not. But if he believes this happened who am I to say it did not. I was not around during this time.

Yes, but...

GA was severly restricted. In some ways, CAP and other organizations were formed so that some civilian flying could happen. CAP was an auxiliary of the USAAF (and still is of the USAF). Flying was done under military orders and the aircraft, whether privately owned or not (and most were) were considered public resources when flying on a USAAF mission. The Civilian Pilot Training Program was also government sponsored and approved. The instructors even had their own uniforms! So there was quite a bit of GA flying, all strictly controlled by the military. There was other general aviation. Some areas had more restrictions than others and it was prohibited completely in certain areas. The airlines were affected too, with most commercial air traffic being diverted to military support.

However...it was a war, declared by congress, with all national resources being prioritized to the war effort. I do not believe that we are in risk of that regardless of who wins the presidency or which party controls congress. But if we do wind up in a real, that is legally declared war, then similar things will happen again (just like the days following 9-11, when CAP was just about the only things flying other than medevac and military.)

humor...The cartoon strip "Smiling Jack" had quite a few strips devoted to the CAP.

A few years ago, I was flying from Michigan to Cooperstown NY in my Cessna 140A. The flight included an overflight of Canada (which was my first). I was talking to Buffalo and called my wife using my bluetooth headsets. Needless to say, I expressed both my love and gratitude to my wife for allowing me to take the trip. I only noticed I had the mike keyed when several other pilots and a controller expressed their love as well over the radio. - Embarrassed then, funny now.

Daniel

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Originally Posted by Mayhemxpc

"Not to look stupid on an NTSB report."
Absolute winner! Something all of us have thought at one time or another, especially when IMC!:thumbsup:

(Note: I often say the Alan Shepard prayer between run up and taking the active: "Please God, don't let me screw up.")

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I wasn't allowed to solo until I learned that prayer from my CFI!