Some Quick Humor

[johnnyd]

some airline humor


A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom; 'Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax.... OH, MY GOD!'










Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, 'Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!'

A passenger in coach yelled, 'That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!'

[rwanttaja]

FAA Management is like a tree full of monkeys. When the monkeys at the top look down, all they see is a sea of smiling faces. When the monkeys at the bottom look up, all they see are ..... (you can probably guess)

Ron Wanttaja

[DaleB]

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications qquipment. Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position and course to fly to the airport. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, drew a handwritten sign, and held it in the helicopter's window. The pilot's sign said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign and held it in a building window. Their sign read: "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." The pilot smiled, waved, looked at her map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the co-pilot asked the pilot how the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their position. The pilot responded "I knew that had to be the Microsoft building because, like their technical support, online help and product documentation, the response they gave me was technically correct, but completely useless."

[Frank Giger]

Why do chicken coops have two doors?

Because if they had four they'd be chicken sedans.

=====

One morning a bear was squatting next to a tree when a rabbit came hopping by.*
"Hey, rabbit," called out the bear, "I need to ask you a question."
"Okay," said the rabbit, coming closer.
"Do you have a problem with sh-- sticking to your fur?"
"Um, no," replied the rabbit.
So the bear wiped his a-- with the rabbit.

*No, we don't know if the bear was Catholic.

======

A psychologist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
To the third mother he said, "You are obsessed with flowers.You've named your daughter Lilly."
At this point, the fourth mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

[Bill Greenwood]

There are 16 categories on this EAA forum and only 5 are at all current, the other 11 have posts that are at least 3 days old, some of weeks old.
But shhh, lets not talk about certain topics of current and timely interest. eh?

[rwanttaja]

There are 16 categories on this EAA forum and only 5 are at all current, the other 11 have posts that are at least 3 days old, some of weeks old.
But shhh, lets not talk about certain topics of current and timely interest. eh?

Want to talk politics with pilots? Try here:

http://www.pilotspin.com/

Ron Wanttaja

[1600vw]

If you want to fly you must talk politics for flying is a very political activity. I never understood this so much until a friend told me during WWII all GA aviation was grounded. For 5 years no one flew any GA airplanes. If you owned an airplane at this time it sat in the hangar.

[rwanttaja]

If you want to fly you must talk politics for flying is a very political activity. I never understood this so much until a friend told me during WWII all GA aviation was grounded. For 5 years no one flew any GA airplanes. If you owned an airplane at this time it sat in the hangar.

GA flying was also banned for a time after 9/11. But in neither of those cases can you ascribe the issue to "politics" in the traditional sense. A Republican administration in 1941 would probably have made the same decision, as would have a Democratic one in 2001.

But no question, politics is embedded into every factor of life in every country in the world. The question, though, is whether discussions of political issues not directly related to aviation belongs here.

To me, "Directly" is the key. Saying that "I think Senator Smith will not vote in favor of the Pilot's Bill of Rights because he has sided with ALPA and AMA on past issues" is directly related to aviation. Saying "Senator Smith is a poopy-head, he won't vote in favor of the Pilot Bill of Rights" is not.

And, yes, we've seen examples of the latter here.

The weird thing is, after a bit of digging around, I didn't find any EAA guidance on what is allowed content on these forum pages. We are, apparently, assessed on a post-by-post basis.

Ron Wanttaja

[GordonT]

Two friends were each flying their aircraft to a fly-in about 100 miles away. They were a few miles apart and the one in the lead was retired ATC. Their route had them coming near a Class D airfield, so the pilot in the lead (retired ATC) contacted tower, decided the controller must not be having a good day so decided to fly around that airspace. He tried to contact the 2nd pilot on their agreed upon frequency, but could not reach him. He switched back to tower freq in time to hear 2nd pilot getting yelled at by tower, then told to call tower when they got to their destination (about 30 miles away). When they both landed at the destination, the retired ATC pilot was coaching the other what to say and not say, etc. So when retired ATC pilot thought he was ready my friend called the tower.

Tower: Are you Doctor __ from __?
Pilot: Yes. (He is a plastic surgeon)
Tower: I'm __, you did my wife's b**b job. (breast augmentation)
Pilot: Well, I hope you are pleased with the results.
Tower: Oh yes, thank you very much! Please practice your radio skills and have a nice day!
Pilot: I'm glad you are pleased, I will work on my radio skills and you have a great day too!

That is a true story.

Anyone have a better tale when told to "call the tower"?

[1600vw]

Two friends were each flying their aircraft to a fly-in about 100 miles away. They were a few miles apart and the one in the lead was retired ATC. Their route had them coming near a Class D airfield, so the pilot in the lead (retired ATC) contacted tower, decided the controller must not be having a good day so decided to fly around that airspace. He tried to contact the 2nd pilot on their agreed upon frequency, but could not reach him. He switched back to tower freq in time to hear 2nd pilot getting yelled at by tower, then told to call tower when they got to their destination (about 30 miles away). When they both landed at the destination, the retired ATC pilot was coaching the other what to say and not say, etc. So when retired ATC pilot thought he was ready my friend called the tower.

Tower: Are you Doctor __ from __?
Pilot: Yes. (He is a plastic surgeon)
Tower: I'm __, you did my wife's b**b job. (breast augmentation)
Pilot: Well, I hope you are pleased with the results.
Tower: Oh yes, thank you very much! Please practice your radio skills and have a nice day!
Pilot: I'm glad you are pleased, I will work on my radio skills and you have a great day too!

That is a true story.

Anyone have a better tale when told to "call the tower"?

Don't...